


What’s Left

by notjoelmiller



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, F/F, F/M, Mentions of Murder, Mourning, Spoilers for Part II, Tommy’s a good guy, gender neutral reader i believe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjoelmiller/pseuds/notjoelmiller
Summary: Tommy comes to drop off one last gift from Joel.
Relationships: Joel (The Last of Us)/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	What’s Left

**Author's Note:**

> im tired

Your fingers ran along the carvings in the stone. Every few minutes someone would come by to pay their condolences and drop flowers off at his house. You simply sent them away with a distant hum. Nothing that they said would bring him back. Nothing that they said would wipe the images of his marred body from your mind. Nothing that they said would end the nightmares.

It’s done, though. You and Ellie killed them all the moment you stepped foot into that damn basement. Their blood mixed with Joel’s. That was something which you regret allowing to happen. They shouldn’t have been allowed to taint him, even in death.

Killing them did nothing for you. You still woke up after nightmares, physically unable to speak because of how loud you screamed. You couldn’t look Tommy in the eyes because _he just looks too much like him._ You haven’t eaten a whole meal since you found him, only a few bites that Maria had forced down your throat. Everything that managed to make its way down came back up a few minutes later. Talking to people was hard, everything just came back to Joel. The only company you could handle for more than an hour was Ellie. She spent hours with you, holding you tight, in front of Joel’s grave. You couldn’t take living like that anymore, plagued by the images of your battered lover.

Someone calling your name brought you out of your thoughts. Your hand fell from the gravestone, pulling at some nearby, wet grass. It was just then that you realized that it was raining. You turned. 

“Maria,” you whispered, nodding at her.

“Hey,” Maria said quietly. She sat down on the ground next to you, grabbing one of your hands in hers. “How are you holding up?”

“Just peachy.”

You and Maria sat in silence for a few minutes. Her thumb gently ran over the back of your hand, occasionally stopping to rub one of your bruised knuckles. You didn’t pay much mind to her. You simply read and re-read his name on the gravestone as images of his limp body flashed across your vision.

Maria spoke first, “Listen, Tommy and I are making a nice meal tonight, how about you join us?”

Your heart clenched. There was no way that you could sit at a table with them for longer than ten minutes without breaking down. They were family and were always there for you, but you couldn’t possibly burden them with your mourning. After all, they were in mourning, too. 

“Maria, I can’t,” you said simply.

“Please? For me? We’re dying to have you over. Plus, I’m thinking of making some dessert, too. Tonight is going to be extra special.”

_What’s so special about it if he wasn’t there?_ You couldn’t say that to Maria, though. She was a stubborn woman. Saying ‘no’ simply wasn’t an option. Hell, saying ‘Maria, I am emotionally numb, and the only thing that will help is to bring back Joel. Unless your food can do that, please fuck off,’ wouldn’t be sufficient. You settled for an answer that will satisfy your lack of interest and Maria’s persistence, “I’ll think about it.”  
  
  
You didn’t think about it. By evening, you were already into your nightly routine of sulking. This routine consisted of laying on the couch of Joel’s living room, staring at the photos and objects which decorated the space. Memories of your time together filled your mind. _How would it have been different if you two knew?_

Someone was knocking at the door. You sat up, feeling slightly lightheaded, but you were not crying, you gave up on that. You pushed yourself off of the couch. “Who’s there?” While Jackson was safe, your lingering cautiousness forced you to search for a weapon.

“Tommy,” a raspy voice called out.

You hesitated before opening the door. Tommy stood awkwardly on the porch. His hands were deep in his pockets, and he tapped his foot impatiently. Tommy smiled sweetly when his eyes met yours. “Evening,” he greeted. You nodded and walked back to the couch. You left the door open for him to follow you. 

Tommy shut the door and came over to the couch. He sat right next to you, bodies pressed against one another. “You missed dinner,” he said.

“Yeah.”

Tommy watched you for a moment. You didn’t face him, but he could tell from his obscured view just how poorly you were holding up. You were gaunt, clothes hanging loose on your body. Dark circles littered your puffy eyes. Your lips were red and raw from hours of chewing on them. It would be putting it lightly to say that you were a mess.

“Do you want me to cook you somethin’?” He asked. You shook your head, letting it fall to his shoulder. Tommy threw his arm around you and pulled you in close. You basked in the contact, humming softly as his fingers lazily massaged your shoulder.

The entire time you sat with him, you kept your eyes forward. Looking at him was too painful. The entire time you knew the brothers, you struggled to find a resemblance. But as soon as Joel was gone, you could hardly distinguish the two. Looking at Tommy was a painful reminder.

“Why are you here?” You asked.

Tommy chuckled sadly. “Straight to the point, huh?”

You shoved Tommy’s arm away and scooted to the other end of the couch. “I’m not doing this, Tommy.”

“Look at me.”

You winced, “Tommy, I-“

“I know hurts, believe me. Every morning-“ Tommy’s voice cracked. “-Every morning I look in the mirror and his eyes are lookin’ right back at me. We got revenge, but it still don’t feel right. My face is just...”

“A living reminder,” you choked out between sobs. You finally forced yourself to look at him. He was crying, too. Tommy nodded, and you continued, “So, why are you here?” You hastily wiped your tears away with the back of your hand.

Tommy smiled, but it didn’t reach his misty eyes. “Right,” he said, “I have something for you.” Tommy dug into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. You stomach twisted.

“No.” Tears began to flow harder. “I don’t want it. Keep it. I can’t-“ You were hyperventilating. _Was this some sort of cruel game?_ You jumped up from the couch and paced around the room. You wanted to vomit, scream, or maybe both.

_”Please,_ just listen to me.” Tommy placed his hands on your shoulders and guided you back to the couch. You sat you down and wiped a few tears from your face. Your eyes drifted to the box on the coffee table and you whimpered.

“Joel had been looking for weeks. That last morning, he finally found it for you.” Tommy placed the box in your hands.

Your shaking fingers pried open the velvet box. A ring. It was a simple gold band, with a single diamond embellishment. You shut the box. Your hand flew to your mouth to muffle your sobs. “Was he-?”

“Yes.”

You screamed, sliding off of the couch and onto the hard floor. Uncontrollable sobs took over your body. Tommy didn’t try to comfort you this time. Instead, you hugged the box to your chest, gasping and crying for hours.

Eventually, Tommy scooped you up in his arms and lifted you back up onto the couch. He moved back to the other end, and you both stared at each other. 

You found the energy to speak, “Could you stay the night?”

“Of course.”

You opened the ring box and examined the band once more.

“He would want you to wear it,” Tommy said. There was a certain fondness in his voice. “He was looking for that damn ring for a long time. We found a bunch, but he never liked any of them for you. They were either too gaudy, too big, or just ugly.”

You chuckled, “He was always picky.” _Was._

“He loved you. So much.”

You frowned. “I know.” You slipped the ring on your finger. Hot tears flowed down your face.

“He’d be happy to know that you’re wearing it.”

“I know.”

Tommy nudged your leg with his foot. You looked at him. A bittersweet smile graced his lips. He was happy to see you finally wearing the ring that Joel was so eager to give you. Yet, you looked miserable.

“Why the long face?”

“Besides the obvious?” You quirked a brow at Tommy. He nodded at you to speak. You sighed. You felt yourself wanting to cry again, but composed yourself before speaking. “That last night, Joel and I were just sitting out back, enjoying each others’ company. He was playing the guitar. I was stealing sips of his coffee,” Tommy chuckled at that. “Then, Ellie came to talk to him.” You began to cry again at the memory. Tommy didn’t pressure you to keep going, but you did. “I left them to talk, but-” A gasp forced its way past your lips, interrupting you, “-but I never said ‘I love you’.”

Tommy closed his eyes, nodding. “That’s alright. He knew you love him.”

“Tommy,” you cried, “That was my _last chance._ There’s so much I wanted to do with him, to _experience_ with him. I can move past that. But I never got to tell him that I love him one last time.” You let your tears take over.

You fiddled with the ring on your finger, “It’s over now.”  
  
  
_“I want to grow old together. I want to watch you wither away.”_

_“‘Wither away’?” God damn, you’re morbid,” Joel laughed. He was plucking some melody on the guitar. He always liked to sit out on the porch with you, even when it was well below freezing, like that night._

_Your fingers traced the rim of his mug. “What do you want?”_

_“What do I want?” Joel thought for a moment, “I want a nice house on the beach, away from infected and hunters, fully staffed with maids and chefs. I want the royal treatment.”_

_You shook your head. “Funny.” You took a sip out of Joel’s coffee. He frowned at that, but didn’t interrupt you. “I mean_ us. _What do you want with_ us?” __

_“Us.” Joel repeated. He stoped playing his guitar and let his fingers rest on the strings. He thought intensely for a moment, and you could swear that you heard the gears turning in his head. He spoke again, “I would say that I want peace, or as close as we can get to it.”_

_“Peace,” you repeated. “That’s it?”_

_“Well, and all of the other things that come in a happy relationship.”_

__“Like?” __

_“Love, happiness, trust,” Joel listed. He began to play the guitar again, “But we already got all that.”_

_“I suppose we do.” You set the mug back down. You crossed your legs and leaned the rocking chair further back. “Do you ever think about the future?”_

_“Every day.”_

_Your heart jumped like you were a goddamn teenager. “What about it?” You looked to Joel, whose eyes held such passion that you shivered._

_“Well,” Joel shifted his focus back to the guitar. He started playing again. This time it was an unfamiliar melody. “I think about lots ‘a things. Typically how I’m going to break up with-“_

_“Do_ not _finish that statement Joel Miller,” you growled. Joel laughed warmly, head tossed back. He didn’t stop playing, though. “You know,” you teased, “This was a really nice conversation. Then you had to had to come and ruin it. You know what? Do it. Break things off. Let’s see how well you fare.”_

_Joel shook his head. “You know I wouldn’t.” He played some more, and you watched. Finally, after a moment of thought, he spoke, ”The world- the virus -changed what a relationship is- what_ love _is. We may not grow old together and see each other ‘wither away’.”_

_“Joel,” you whispered. Something was clawing at your heart. He was right, but you didn’t want to face that truth. “Don’t say that, please-“_

_“I ain’t wrong. Am I?”_

_You closed your eyes, sucking in a breath. Before you were able to respond, however, footsteps pulled your attention away._

_Ellie stood at the base of the porch, wrapped in a little jacket. She waved politely, eyes flickering between you and Joel. She looked like she wanted to speak, but didn’t quite know what to say. You understood her confusion. You knew everything that had happened between her and Joel, one of the few who did. It was reasonable for her to be conflicted in the least._

_You sighed, pushing yourself up and out of the seat. “I can see when I’m in the way. I’ll leave you two to talk.” You leaned over to peck Joel on the cheek. As you walked by Ellie, you pat her shoulder. “Good night, you two.”_

_They both bid you farewell as you walked away. Your boots crunched in the snow. You walked down the street in blissful ignorance. After all,_ what was there to worry about?

**Author's Note:**

> btw guys thank you for the comments on my previous posts i read all of them and they all make my heart so happy especially since im not a writer. i get really insecure about my stuff lol


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